Moving on from loss
By Angus (Queensland University of Technology)
Although I was bought up in a Christian home, going to church and first wanted God in my life when I was six years old I still endured many hardships. Nowhere does the Bible promise the Christian life is easy, but it does promise we have a firm foundation to stand upon when life seems too hard.
Since I was a kid, my values and beliefs have been tested and my personality refined. In grade seven, at the age of 12, I was a teachers’ pet. I had a comb over and won student of the year, was never in trouble and donated a $200 bicycle voucher that I won in a fundraiser to the class raffle as a top prize. However, I was bullied because of my achievements. Through this, my faith was tested and I could learn to lean not on my own achievements but as God as my firm foundation. After all, all achievements result in only temporary satisfaction.
When I was 13, one day mum went to stand up and couldn’t move the left side of her body. We helped her to the hospital and my sisters and I went up to Nan’s for a couple of weeks while dad and mum made regular visits to the hospital. On Australia day, two weeks later we met at Roma Street Parklands with mum and dad and dad broke the news. Mum had terminal cancer and had been given six months to live. We were blown away and sat by a pond in silence, broken occasionally by someone asking a question.
I’m glad to say that the church embraced us. My youth pastor, Tim, took me under his wing. He took me out all the time and kept me motivated. Every second weekend he'd drive me to the coast and we'd go surfing. On the way there and back we'd have long chats in the car. Tim is very humble and lives his life for others. He had so many opportunities overseas, but he decided to stay. It didn't seem very sensible for any man to stay in Burpengary when he could be ministering overseas, but that's what Tim felt God was calling him to do. I was impacted by Tim's example of self-sacrifice and his firm trust in God. Through his example, I began to understand the meaning of that verse in Hebrews 13:8: “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” and Jeremiah 29:13 about seeking God with all your heart.
He was teaching me that Jesus was my firm foundation, and that Jesus will never change.
Mum lived another 18 months and died in June 14, 2003. However, Tim, my youth pastor and the church stayed with us. Tim help me set goals to stop me from sinking into my grief. He inspired me to aim high. He told me I could be school captain and encouraged me to preach on a whole school assembly…1200 people finding out you’re a Jesus freak. So sure enough I spoke in grade 11 for near half an hour and some students became Christians for the first time. I couldn’t believe it. Then, I was elected school captain. Through all this I learnt that whether things are going well or badly, Jesus is truly the same yesterday, today and forever.
About six months after mum's death, dad went into deep depression and insomnia. After we had used up the month’s worth of food that the church cooked us we ate pretty poorly for a while - toasted cheese sandwiches and hot dogs for many nights. I can laugh about it now, but I too was depressed for about six months. Although you have all the friends and support you could want, the depression went deeper than circumstances. It was like a spiritual attack. These changing circumstances further tested the lesson that I was learning, that Jesus is truly the same yesterday today and forever. I was driven to read my Bible daily and pray regularly and sought comfort in the promise that Jesus is always there and he never changes.
After mum died, we kind of fell apart as a family, emotionally going our separate ways. My dad remarried just over 18 months ago and this has brought with it its own set of tensions. We’ve been trying to create the sense of family that we'd lost for nearly two years. In nearly every way, recreating that sense of family can be harder than losing it in the first place. Also, Tim, my youth pastor then moved overseas to New York and this was a big blow to me. I don't know what was harder, losing mum or losing Tim.
Before Tim left, he washed the youth's feet to show that he didn't come to be served, but to serve – the reason why Jesus washed his disciples' feet. At that time, I was struggling, trying to be someone I wasn't. I was reminded of two words that Tim said to me: be genuine. To me, this meant holding onto the fact that Jesus is always the same. In the midst of so much change, my relationship with Jesus and God's promises in the Bible kept me grounded. I found that Jesus' love, tolerance and understanding is unconditional and boundless.
Clearly, in my life Jesus has been the same yesterday today and forever. Although I’ve physical and emotional healings, been at the highs and, not quite but close to the lows of emotional life I know that beside the endless forgiveness that Christ gave, the hope that I will always cling to because of its significance is that Christ will not change on me. He is truly a firm foundation on the outskirts of a sinking world.
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