"I don't know what to do."
By Paula (Griffith Uni)
It was becoming my catch phrase. And the older I got, the more people didn't accept it as an answer. It seemed that when you were seventeen and leaving school, you had to have all the answers for the future. All the answers I didn't have. Like where I wanted to go to uni, what I wanted to study, what I wanted to do for a career. I didn't know the answers to any of them.
And then came the once in a lifetime chance to go on exchange to Japan. This seemed like a better option than all the rest, so why not? Away from people who kept asking me what I was going to do with my life sounded good. But was it really going to be possible? I didn't even like Japanese. "No worries," said my old Japanese teacher, "You're my choice"; despite the fact that the two other people in the running for the exchange were actually taking Japanese. In fact, they had only changed the policy the previous year to enable non-Japanese students to take the exchange. Could I afford it? All those savings for my distant future with no real purpose finally had a reason. Who would I stay with? That nice family I had already stayed with before during homestay!
So it seemed like someone else had made the plans for me. Better plans than I could ever think of. It also seemed like someone else knew where he wanted me to go and had all the answers to the questions. Better than my "I don't know what to do" catch phrase.
So there in Japan one night, when it all came together, I realised that there was a God who had created the universe and had thought of a great plan for my life, a plan He had started even though I was still looking the other way. So I sat on the floor of my room and I gave my life to God. I realised that I had been running away from Him and trying to make up my own plans had only made my life more of a mess. I told God that I would stop trying to control my life, because I was clearly not doing a good job, and let Him take over. I asked Him to forgive me for not listening to Him in the first place. I decided to trust Him to do what He wanted with my life.
Now, studying Japanese at university, I still don't know what my life has in store for me, but I'm happy trusting the God who does. He took me on the trip of my life to show me his plans, and I know He is going to be with me as I go where He wants me.
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