My grandfather was a preacher, so I was just in church because that's the way things were.
I didn't really have a choice.
I'd always heard that Jesus loves you and He died on the cross to save you from your sins or what not.
It was just always, kind of, a safety net for me.
It wasn't anything that hit home, it was kind of like, okay, so that's my license to do whatever I want to do.
I was a really selfish person.
I never wanted to give anything back.
I just took that love.
I kind of took it for granted, took advantage of it.
I could drink with the best of them.
I could smoke weed with the best of them.
I could, whatever, party with the best of them.
I kind of measured the success of my life by how much money I would be making in the future, and by, as we called it, "getting hoes."
You know what I mean?
Just a really ignorant term for females.
And that's kind of what I used to judge my life and the quality of me life.
I started getting this feeling.
I didn't know what it was.
I started getting a really unsettling feeling.
Things just weren't quite right.
You know, but I didn't know what was wrong.
I was like, shoot, I'm going to have as much fun as I can on Earth, cuz I'm going to heaven anyway.
So, I'm going to do what I want to do here.
Something just wasn't right.
I would go to bed, I didn't really have a prayer life.
I didn't really read the Bible.
I would go to bed and say, "Lord, I don't really know what this feeling is, but I don't like it, and I want you to change it."
I didn't really know what was going on.
I didn't know what was wrong.
I didn't know what to do.
I had this feeling and I was like, wow, I've never been suicidal, and I almost wanted to commit suicide.
That's how deep it was.
I was like, what can I do to get rid of this feeling?
I remembered one particular guy who held a Bible study on campus.
A couple years before that, I got into a big thing with him because I thought he was so fanatical about the Bible study.
So fanatical about the Lord.
I was like, "It's not that deep."
We had gotten in a big argument over that and he's the person that came to mind when I thought, I need some kind of guidance, something.
And I went to him, this guy I had gotten in a big fight with and said a lot of mean things to.
I started talking to him and I found out that that whole time he had been praying for me.
I was just so blown away.
I mean, that's when I really experienced the love of God and what it can do in you.
And I was just like, wow, this guy who I had cursed out,
and who I had said all kinds of mean things about, he'd been praying for me that whole time.
And the second I went to him, I didn't even have to say hello.
He just opened his arms and was like, "I knew you were coming," and just came and hugged me.
I told him what happened.
He sat down right there.
He actually had all kinds of homework to do. He was like, "No, let's sit down right now," and prayed with me.
After that it was like this peace came over me and this light turned on.
I understood what was going on.
That was the first time I had really experienced the love of the Lord.
It was coming through another individual, but it was so amazing.
It's something I can't really explain.
It was the best feeling of my life.
Ever since then, it's been more about me wanting to please the Lord.
I've had that love for Christ Jesus and that intimate relationship.
There's just nothing that compares to that.
It's something I can't really describe, but it's not about the rules anymore.
You know, it's about, I want to do what He says because of that love that I have in my heart for Him.
It's just like your mother or father on earth.
You know what I mean?
You trust what they say because they've been there and they've done that.
Jesus knows what you are going through.