I grew up in a divorced family.
My mom and my dad got divorced when I was probably less than a year old.
I grew up with my mom, and she was an alcoholic for a long time and also a cocaine addict.
My sister and I grew up together just with my mom, and she raised us I think the best she could.
She had a lot of things she was dealing with.
She got remarried to a drug dealer.
It was a very abusive situation for my sister and I.
We had to witness a lot of abuse that my mom was given.
So, when I was about eleven or twelve,
I think twelve years old, my mom went into rehab for cocaine for alcohol.
I was just a very very bitter person.
I hated my mom when I found out she was doing that to me.
She, you know, took all of our money and spent it on cocaine, and I just didn't understand it.
And I definitely blamed God for that.
God had totally screwed me over with parents, and I just blamed him for everything.
So, I went to public high school and got into the drinking, got into the pot, got into, you know,
I had a relationship with a guy and we were definitely doing things we shouldn't have been doing.
I had a very sexual relationship.
Thank God I didn't get pregnant or anything like that.
So, I went to college my freshman year, got into a sorority, did the whole drinking bit, did the whole, everything college kids do.
I came home for Christmas break and I was miserable.
I was in this four-year relationship with this guy.
You know, we'd been having sex for about three years.
I thought I was going to get married to him, but he wasn't bringing me any happiness.
I was in a sorority, had a bunch of friends.
That wasn't really bringing me any happiness.
I had really good grades my first year.
Still, I was miserable. I hated everyone.
I was an angry, bitter person. I was angry at God.
I was angry at my family. I had not forgiven my dad.
I had not forgiven my mom.
And I just looked at my sister and my cousins and my aunt and just saw something that I did not have.
They have this joy.
I knew my sister was dealing with all this stuff, but yet she was still so happy and so joyful.
I was just like, I need that. I want that.
I knew what I needed to do.
I knew what being a Christian was about, but I was like, I'm not giving up drinking.
I'm not giving up this relationship with this guy.
There's no way I'm going to stop doing this stuff.
You know? I was just like, when I get married and have kids, then I can be a Christian.
Then we can go to church.
Then I won't have to deal with like, you know, all these issues that I'm dealing with now.
It's too hard to be a Christian right now.
So I talked to one of my cousins and she was just like, "The devil is never going to make it convenient for you to become a Christian."
So I just said the prayer and I was like, "Lord, you've been waiting for me for a long time.
I'm ready to live for you. I'm sick of living for the world."
So yeah, I didn't wake up and not want to have this relationship, but I'll tell you what,
He took every desire to be with this guy out of my heart, and I broke up with him.
I stopped everything that I was doing that the Lord was not happy with.
I was so thankful that He forgave me that.
He just gave me a whole new attitude.
When I looked to my mom, I didn't feel that bitter feeling towards her like I did before.
I didn't resent her for what she did to me as a child. I just didn't feel it.
It just wasn't there.
It was easy to just have this unconditional love for her because that's how the Lord loves me.
I am joyful. I smile. I used to never smile.
I used to be a very angry person before and now I'm not.
All I did before was manipulate people.
I would use people.
I was so selfish.
If something didn't help me out, I would not be there.
And now it's just like, "What can I do for you?"
Of course we daily grow, and I'm still growing.
I never want to stop.
But He has just completely changed my life around.
Now that I look back, the Lord has completely blessed me, took me out of that situation when I wasn't a Christian, and saved my life.