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My mom was a cocaine addict.  (6:17)


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Video transcript:

I grew up in a divorced family. My mom and my dad got divorced when I was probably less than a year old. I grew up with my mom, and she was an alcoholic for a long time and also a cocaine addict. My sister and I grew up together just with my mom, and she raised us I think the best she could. She had a lot of things she was dealing with. She got remarried to a drug dealer. It was a very abusive situation for my sister and I. We had to witness a lot of abuse that my mom was given.

So, when I was about eleven or twelve, I think twelve years old, my mom went into rehab for cocaine for alcohol. I was just a very very bitter person. I hated my mom when I found out she was doing that to me. She, you know, took all of our money and spent it on cocaine, and I just didn't understand it. And I definitely blamed God for that. God had totally screwed me over with parents, and I just blamed him for everything.

So, I went to public high school and got into the drinking, got into the pot, got into, you know, I had a relationship with a guy and we were definitely doing things we shouldn't have been doing. I had a very sexual relationship. Thank God I didn't get pregnant or anything like that.

So, I went to college my freshman year, got into a sorority, did the whole drinking bit, did the whole, everything college kids do. I came home for Christmas break and I was miserable. I was in this four-year relationship with this guy. You know, we'd been having sex for about three years. I thought I was going to get married to him, but he wasn't bringing me any happiness. I was in a sorority, had a bunch of friends. That wasn't really bringing me any happiness. I had really good grades my first year. Still, I was miserable. I hated everyone. I was an angry, bitter person. I was angry at God. I was angry at my family. I had not forgiven my dad. I had not forgiven my mom.

And I just looked at my sister and my cousins and my aunt and just saw something that I did not have. They have this joy. I knew my sister was dealing with all this stuff, but yet she was still so happy and so joyful. I was just like, I need that. I want that.

I knew what I needed to do. I knew what being a Christian was about, but I was like, I'm not giving up drinking. I'm not giving up this relationship with this guy. There's no way I'm going to stop doing this stuff. You know? I was just like, when I get married and have kids, then I can be a Christian. Then we can go to church. Then I won't have to deal with like, you know, all these issues that I'm dealing with now. It's too hard to be a Christian right now.

So I talked to one of my cousins and she was just like, "The devil is never going to make it convenient for you to become a Christian." So I just said the prayer and I was like, "Lord, you've been waiting for me for a long time. I'm ready to live for you. I'm sick of living for the world."

So yeah, I didn't wake up and not want to have this relationship, but I'll tell you what, He took every desire to be with this guy out of my heart, and I broke up with him. I stopped everything that I was doing that the Lord was not happy with. I was so thankful that He forgave me that. He just gave me a whole new attitude.

When I looked to my mom, I didn't feel that bitter feeling towards her like I did before. I didn't resent her for what she did to me as a child. I just didn't feel it. It just wasn't there. It was easy to just have this unconditional love for her because that's how the Lord loves me.

I am joyful. I smile. I used to never smile. I used to be a very angry person before and now I'm not. All I did before was manipulate people. I would use people. I was so selfish. If something didn't help me out, I would not be there. And now it's just like, "What can I do for you?"

Of course we daily grow, and I'm still growing. I never want to stop. But He has just completely changed my life around. Now that I look back, the Lord has completely blessed me, took me out of that situation when I wasn't a Christian, and saved my life.

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