As a highly productive twenty-something-year-old, I had a house, a boat, lots of friends, a loving family, and a great job. Then in the blink of an eye my life fell apart.
Always the risk taker looking for fun, I saw no reason not to experiment with drugs.
I progressed from a recreational drug and alcohol user for 13 years to a daily user of methamphetamine for another 6 years. Somewhere along the way, it became a necessity and a living hell. In my years as a drug addict I lost my home, my cars, and honest relationships with my family.
After a few years as a functional drug addict, I began to cry out to God. Exhausted and guilty, I hated being dependent on a drug for my happiness. I wanted my life back, but every time I tried to quit the depression became so extreme I would go back to the drug for relief.
My entire life I gained significance as an overachiever, feeling accepted because of my performance. I wrongly believed God expected me just to try harder and clean myself up.
In my attempt to clean myself up I sold my assets. I also fell in love with a musician named Steve who lived in another state, convincing him that if I just left my environment I could get clean.
I thought the move would not only clean me up but make me acceptable to God. I also thought the love I had for Steve would satisfy me.
It didn’t work. Three weeks in my new locale I went right back to the drugs which led to our break up. After a year and a half, I returned home broken and homeless.
I decided my next move would be to confess to my dad and ask for help. I just had to muster up the courage. But before I could, my dad unexpectedly died of heart failure at 54 years old. When I received the call it seemed as if my heart was ripped out of my chest. As daddy’s little girl, he loved me unconditionally and I couldn’t fathom life without him.
I told God I would NEVER get clean, knowing it would be too painful to live drug free with the loss and regret. If I couldn’t get clean when life’s problems didn’t include death, there seemed no way I could do so now. So I quit trying. And it turned out to be exactly what God wanted.
A wonderful Christian friend whom I had done drugs with, loved me without judgment. She comforted me in my grief and talked about Jesus. Thirsty for God’s mercy I soaked in her words. She invited me to church but I assumed the people who went to church were perfect and certainly wouldn’t accept me as a drug user. Jesus-yes; church-no. My friend told me about a Christian radio station and I began to listen.
Without making promises to God or feeling like I needed to perform, I approached God with a meth pipe in one hand and a Bible in the other.
I did so for over a year and an amazing thing happened.
I realized God loved me unconditionally just like my dad. I recognized addiction not as a disease or something I had to live with, but instead sin which Jesus paid for on the cross and no longer needed to rule my life.
With the freedom to come to Him while entangled in my addiction, He healed me from the inside out. He was bringing me to freedom and building in my heart a new life.
I saturated my mind in His word (the Bible), learning the truth about God. I began to think about my life differently and how to trust him. I fell so in love with Jesus and my faith grew. He began to transform me, giving me new desires and new power over weak areas in my life.
Deep into my addiction, the Lord delivered me from hopelessness to a life of great joy! I have been free from drugs for over 12 years and have no desire for them. God restored all I lost, including my marriage to Steve. My mom and I are closer than ever and I rejoice that one day I will see my dad again. I have seen others, helped others, in the same situation fall in love with Jesus and find freedom. It is the relationship with God that changes everything.
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Used by permission from http://sacredstoryministries.org